I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
