I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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