Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
