You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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