theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
