and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
