i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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