I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
