I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
