I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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