I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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