Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
