idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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