I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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