you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
