Yo dont text me then not text me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
