There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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