Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
