Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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