So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
