This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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