The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
