i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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