Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
