And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
