New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
