Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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