my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
