Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
