dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
