I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
