I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
