I wish i was in the wii world.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
