Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
