The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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