she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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