This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
