discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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