A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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