I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
