i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
