Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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