Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
