She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
