Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
