did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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