So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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