the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
