I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
