just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
