first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
