i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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