I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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