Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
