In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
