OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
